Death strips away all pretense. If we take death seriously, it forces us to look at every unfurnished piece of wood used in the construction of our lives. We gaze at this wood without varnish, without sanding. It is rough and axe hewn, sewn together by God and by circumstance. It is not an easy task, and certainly not for the faint of heart. Yet we all must face our inevitable end.
What interests me is that the relevance of death is determined by the value of life and the content of our lives. Barb Prospero has always been a shining indication to me of the brightness of being alive. Barb possesses what is, in my humble opinion, the finest kind of humour. That is, while she takes no gripes from no one and isn’t one to be seduced by fancy deceptions, if ever, through some great subterfuge, I finally manage to pull some prank on Barb, she takes it with the most lighthearted affection. She is at one time serious enough for the job, and at another, lighthearted enough to laugh at a joke at her expense. Life itself is a long chain of learning when to hold on and, most importantly, when to let go.
In four short years Barb has undergone a tremendous amount of loss. In 2017 Barb’s husband passed away after six years of illness which required Barb’s skill as a nurse to look after him. A few months later her little puppy died. In 2018 Barb was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given only six months to live. Due to this illness she was forced by circumstance during 2019 to give up her home and relinquish to that degree her own independence. Finally, Barb gave up her nursing license and let go of her most treasured job as one who cares for others, infants being her area of expertise after 50 years of experience at the Red Deer Hospital. Suddenly, after a life of dedicated service, Barb no longer had an obvious reason to get out of bed in the morning.
What struck me as I heard this list from Barb was that I never see her complaining. Despite saying in her own words that she has trouble releasing control of the world around her, I believe that this feat of strength is sourced in Barb’s fundamental acceptance that it is God who directs the path of her life. It is evident that in this life we can never permanently grasp everything we value, but those things external to the true necessities of life can, and often times will, be stripped from us. What is left behind depends entirely upon our own capacity to see everything as grace. Lacking this God filled vision, I cannot imagine the burden of carrying such an amount of loss, and to do it without any hint of bitterness. This last point is the most extraordinary, for many carry heavy burdens, but few do it without giving in to some kind of resentment.
In response to the diagnosis of cancer, Barb’s response was not to cry, but to pray. Then, her daughters encouraged her to do something fun, so the three did what we all really want to do every Monday morning: they jumped on the next plane departing for Las Vegas. While these kinds of indulgences are very important for keeping positive while coping with bad news, Barb still needed something to hold onto, something to target in the future. She chose her granddaughter’s grad as a milestone. She was delighted to be able to attend.
Still looking for a way to serve, a way to have purpose, Barb eventually decided to begin helping out with the point of entry duties at the entrance to our parish. This seems like a natural extension of her being, especially considering that the first activity Barb returned to after treatment was going to daily mass in order to find the palpable sense of “peace” she described when talking about being in the church. Already an enormous gift to the Church, Barb gave not only her time, but her love as well. Her call to be of service, whether for her work, her husband or family, or the church she loves is a powerful witness of what it means to be a Christian. Even in the face of loss we are still called to be a light in the darkness, to be comfort for the afflicted, to supply what is left wanting in a broken world.
I can say with certainty that Barb has been my greatest supporter. I would not be alone in saying that Barb has an impact on those she encounters. At my side you would also find a chorus of praise coming from those who attend the parish frequently, the staff, and the other volunteers at the parish. It is also rumored that she knows how to throw a great party, and I can only imagine that this helped in forming such a positive aura around such a beautiful woman.
With that said, work is not everything, and prayer must be granted its primacy of place if we are to understand how Barb has been able to cope in the way she has. After undergoing an unsuccessful surgery and trying chemo, Barb decided to forgo these treatments in order to preserve the quality of life that she still had. As it turns out Barb didn’t need chemo in order to exceed any reasonable life expectancy given by the relevant health professionals. Despite a prediction of 6-12 months to live, Barb has survived an incredible three years and is still going strong.
When asked to what she attributes such an unexpected longevity of life Barb is quick to mention her proximity to the Holy Eucharist through daily mass attendance and the recently beatified Fr. Michael McGivney to whom she has been praying daily since her diagnosis. For those who may not know, it was Fr. McGivney who started the Knights of Columbus and, after having a miracle attributed to his intercession, he was recently beatified. Joe, Barb’s late husband, was an active member of this well known Catholic fraternity. It is with great pride, therefore, that Barb prays frequently with the rosary her husband received when he became a knight.
I was also humbled by Barb’s offer to make a smaller sized pall for the casket of children to be used during funeral liturgies. Each hand stitched loop was accompanied by a simple Hail Mary for those children who died without a proper burial thus uniting the ancient formula: laborare est orare. Work is prayer, and vice-versa. Our own strength, if it is not found in prayer, will falter. A firm will founded upon the bedrock of personal prayer, however, is nearly unshakeable. Barb’s strength to keep on giving even when so much has been taken from her, cannot be explained outside of her tremendous personal connection with God in the sacraments and her ongoing interest in deepening that relationship.
Finally, what I found incredible about Barb’s outlook on life was twofold. First, she never seemed to be asking the question, “Why me?” Instead, her constant request of God was, “What can I do? What do You want me to do?” Second, the weight that Barb still carries seems to be tied directly to those she loves most, her multi-generational family. She speaks frequently and fondly of her family and her greatest anxieties seem to be over their well being and future. Both of these examples reveal an other focused mentality that has become the very fabric of Barb’s own life.
Whether she realises it or not, Barb has guided us all simply by her example, a courageous witness to the light of the Gospel. In this instance, the threat of death has revealed a truly beautiful wellspring of life. I am honored to have Barb Prospero, a true warrior for Christ, as my friend.
